


You've got to be kidding me!

by Faithlessgirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Draco has a bad morning, The Golden Trio, this is me thinking I can write funny stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 09:47:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11159361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faithlessgirl/pseuds/Faithlessgirl
Summary: Draco should have stayed in bed.





	You've got to be kidding me!

**Author's Note:**

> So this is an old story I imported from fanfiction.net.

**You've Got To Be Kidding Me!**

When Draco Malfoy strolled into the Great Hall (yeah, he strolled… it was Saturday, he had a late night, give the boy a break!) he stopped short at the sight before him. He considered turning around and going straight back to bed, he was just too hangover for this.

You see, the school population of Hogwarts has seen many things in the last few years, you know with the Weasley twins and what not. But those aren't the ones who everybody cowered from, because if those two looked guilty everybody just stopped eating. Today though it was the famous Golden Trio that looked guilty. And if the school has learned one thing, it was that if they look guilty, they should be happy if the school is still standing at the end of the day.

Draco looked around and couldn't see anything different, if you choose to ignore that the entire Hufflepuff table look ready to cry, the Ravenclaw table looked resigned and the Slytherin table just looked wary. The Gryffindor table, on the other hand, (which was what made him want to run away, far away) just looked calm and a bit disbelieving.

Draco warily remembered the last time those three looked like this.

* * *

 

It was a Monday and Draco woke up with the weird impulse to tell everybody that the Sorting Hat, for a very short moment, considered putting him into Gryffindor. It was his best-kept secret and he hadn't dared to talk about it to anyone.

As he walked towards the Great Hall the feeling to just blurt it out got stronger and he was worried about it. He was momentarily interrupted from his musings, as Goyle suddenly told him that he still doesn't know his way around Hogwarts and without him he would be lost. That didn't really surprise Draco much, even if they were already in their sixth year!

Suddenly, Blaise looked really uncomfortable, he looked a little bit like Draco himself felt, when he told them in a rush: "I'vehadacrushonHarryPottersinceforthyear!" It took Draco a while, but when he finally realized what was going on, it was already too late. Suddenly everybody else started to tell an embarrassing detail about themselves. He so didn't need to know that Theo still was sleeping in his mother's bed when he was home, and he didn't even wanted to think about what Pansy really looked like, since she just told them all that she was using more glamours than clothes (and you so do not want to know what that girl is wearing underneath the uniform! Though how Draco knows? Well he was drunk, ok?).

When he entered the Great Hall he realized that whoever was responsible for that prank did a thorough job, as not even the teachers were spared! (And no, he didn't need to know that Trelawny was still a virgin).

Suddenly, he just knew who was responsible. He knew it wasn't the Weasley twins, even if everybody was glaring at them. They stopped glaring when those two blurted out that they where responsible for the paintings. McGonagall looked like Christmas had come early (the culprits had never been caught, though strongly suspected, but that is another story!) but she stopped looking like this when she told the entire Great Hall that she had a crush on Miss Norris. Even Dumbledore looked slightly uncomfortable at this news.

And there, looking smug, guilty, horrified and amused, all the same time, was that damn Golden Trio!

Severus must have seen this too as he suddenly swept down to them (thus adding to the bat theory) and looked at them, wary and struggling. It was then that Draco realized that Snape's secret had not yet been shared. You could see it because those who hadn't already blabbed looked really uncomfortable. As Draco looked around he could only see Dumbledore, Severus and Harry still looking uncomfortable. He also realized that many people around looked really disturbed, some even disgusted.

He could see Severus fighting with himself (he could actually relate to that, because it was getting bloody hard for him not to not tell) and slowly saying "What..." he stopped for a moment, "the hell," another pause, "did you three morons," pause, "do?"

By now it was nearly impossible to even think about talking. Draco could see that Harry had his eyes closed, Snape wasn't breathing, and even Dumbledore was losing the fight with himself. He himself had let slip the first word of the sentence "The Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Gryffindor".

Suddenly there was a really loud silence in the Hall and he knew he lost the fight with himself. But as he spoke, there was a second, simultaneous voice, and that voice said Slytherin. His eyes turned wide as he stared at the Hero-The-Perfect-Gryffindor-In-Person Harry Potter. Just then he realized that said person was staring back at him with even wider eyes. The silence became even louder as no one even dared to move.

Of course the silence was broken but he could have lived a happy life without knowing that the Dark Lord wears tight briefs. He did NOT want to know how Severus knew that. And by the look on everybody elses faces they had the same thought. He could even see some third years vomiting all over the table as everybody desperately tried to forget the newest information about the Dark Lord.

Dumbledore's confession caught them all off guard (and he still believed that he broke through the spell), who would have thought that the great Dumbledore nearly failed school, not only once, but nearly every year?

* * *

 

Later everybody found out that the Trio had cast a truth spell on Ginny Weasley (because she didn't wanted to tell them who she was dating). But it wasn't one person who cast the spell. They had somehow managed to do it all at the same time. It was then that everybody found out; the combined power of the Trio was unmentionable, even greater, a lot greater, than Dumbledore. You may wonder why the Dark Lord didn't attack them as soon as he heard? Well Dumbledore cast a spell that prevented everybody from talking, showing or writing about it, which was not ok with everybody in the hall. But did Twinkle Dumbledore care? No, of course not, as it was for the greater good.

But back to the situation at the hand! The Trio looked like they where searching for someone, still looking as guilty as ever. It was then that Draco realized that Severus was nowhere to be seen. Which would explain why Dumbledore looked so wary. However, before he could even open his mouth, the doors of the Great Hall flew open and a very furious Severus came in. The situation would ordinarily be funny, but his covering of blood and a grey substance caused it to lose some of its humor. He ignored everybody, even Dumbledore, and he searched the Hall, before his eyes zeroed in on the Trio. He stalked over them.

"Just what the hell were you three thinking?"

The feeling to just go to bed and ignore the world suddenly became overwhelming, as Severus continued to glare at the three sheepish students in front of him. He even ignored McGonagalls scolding for language, he just continued to rant at them.

"Potter, those Occlumency lessons I was giving you weren't for you to try and get _into_ the Dark Lord's mind, they were meant to keep the Dark Lord out of _your_ mind!"

Draco looked around and saw several shocked students but the best look was on Dumbledore's face. He looked dumbfounded, (a first for him, Draco was sure.) but was Draco the only one who heard the past tense in Severus' sentence?

"And what were you thinking, dragging Mr Weasley and Miss Granger with you?"

Draco could hear his bed screaming for him to come back.

"And what were you thinking, when you started to take over the body of the Dark Lord?"

Draco wondered dizzily if he was the only one who felt a little faint.

"And what were you thinking when you started to take out those Death Eaters? This was a full meeting! Meaning every Death Eater with a Dark Mark was there! They could have overwhelmed you at anytime!"

Draco was surprised by the sudden attention he got from the rest of the hall. Though he quickly realized that Severus had just told them that he did not have the Dark Mark. Good job!

"And please tell me what where you thinking WHEN YOU MADE THE DARK LORD CHOKE HIMSELF?"

Draco was trying really hard not to laugh but maybe the twitching was a bit too obvious.

"Well, but, he is dead isn't he, Professor?" came the timid answer of one very brave Hermione Granger.

"Oh he is dead alright, because after you three discovered that he doesn't need to breath, you just had to make him blow his brains out, didn't you? AND IN MY DIRECTION TOO!"

Suddenly the grey substance on the robes of his made sudden, unpleasant, sense. Draco felt as though he was going to throw up!

The last thing he heard before giving into his need to go to bed and ignore the world was the murmuring of Dumbledore: "You've got to be kidding me!"

**Author's Note:**

> Please be gentle with me :)


End file.
